Paying tribute to Dave Sandberg in the month following his demise, his heartbroken widow wrote: “I have lived thirty years in these thirty days. I am thirty years sadder. I feel like I am thirty years wiser.”
The 45-year-old mum-of-two, who wed the much-loved and hugely popular Silicon Valley executive in 2004, reflected on the implications of her husband’s death as well as the effect it had on her understanding of motherhood.
With heartbreaking honesty, Sheryl wrote: “I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother, both through the depth of the agony I feel when my children scream and cry and from the connection my mother has to my pain. She has tried to fill the empty space in my bed, holding me each night until I cry myself to sleep.”
Acknowledging her mother’s insight into the tragedy which saw her son-in-law collapse and lose his fight for life while on a family vacation in Mexico, Sheryl continued: “She has fought to hold back her own tears to make room for mine. She has explained to me that the anguish I am feeling is both my own and my children’s, and I understood that she was right as I saw the pain in her own eyes.”
Aware that everyone deals with grief in different ways, Sheryl attempted to open up about her own journey and reflected on her prior understanding, writing: “I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others in need. I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope was the most comforting thing I could offer.”
Admitting that she needs people to openly acknowledge that family life will never be the same since Dave’s passing, Sheryl explains: “Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth.”
Turning her attention to the void left in her son and daughter’s lives following their father’s death in May, Sheryl attempted to focus on the positive despite the all-encompassing grief experienced by all those who knew and loved Dave.
Writing candidly, Sheryl revealed: “I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave. I want option A.” He put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the sh*t out of option B.”
Hoping to use her friend's words as a tool to slowly free herself of her current grief, Sheryl finished the touching tribute by addressing the man she once shared a life with, writing: "Dave, to honour your memory and raise your children as they deserve to be raised, I promise to do all I can to kick the sh*t out of option B. As Bono sang, “There is no end to grief . . . and there is no end to love.” I love you, Dave."
Our hearts go out to Sheryl, her children and their extended family at this tremendously difficult time.
