Before I became a mother I was pretty hardcore.
Nothing would scare me. Horror movies, the dark – you name it, I scoffed at it. Except for clowns, of course, but they’re terrifying. However, two kids later and my list of fears has grown dramatically.
Here’s my current top 9:
1. Something happening one of my children. This is a universal worry among parents. It comes part and parcel of parenthood. As soon as my precious tiny people entered my life – as soon they began to grow inside me – I knew I would forever worry about them and the thought of anything ever happening them fills me with an inexplicable terror, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
2. Something happening to me. I’ve never been afraid of dying, to be honest, I’d never given it much thought at all but, now that I have tiny humans who are so dependent on me, thoughts of death and my own mortality creep in and knowing that they would be truly devastated if they lost me is terrifying. On top of that, as strange as it may sound, the thought of leaving them, of never seeing them again could literally make me cry on the spot.
3. Someone close to them passing away. Obviously losing anyone that would upset them would also upset me but I’m an adult and already fully aware of just how unfair life can be. My children don’t know that yet and it breaks my heart to think that someday they’ll lose someone they care about and learn one of the cruellest life lessons there is.
4. Someone being mean to them/being bullied. I’m not sure if this is a common fear among parents or if it plagues me more because of my own experiences but this is something I lie awake at night worrying about.
5. That they will be bullies. This also scares me because I don’t know how I would handle that. It terrifies me to even think about being disappointed in them.
6. Sleep. For, at least, the first year of my children’s lives I have spent an extraordinary amount of time and effort getting them to sleep only to then spend the entire time they are asleep making sure that they’re still breathing. Between placing my hand delicately on their chests to putting my finger under their nose and then, at the slightest rustle, to up and leap from the room like the most skilled of ninjas.
7. Losing sight of my children. There is nothing that will get my heart beating at a quicker pace than when I lose sight of one of my children. No, I’m not a crazy overprotective mom but they’re only three and one and when my three-year-old walks into my blind spot (just behind me and to the side) while I’m juggling her sister in my arms, I panic. Every time.
8. Power outages. Before children, I would get a kick out of the power going out and enjoy digging out of the candles and reading in the dim, flickering light but now with small kids, the panic of trying to get them fed, changed and to bed with no electricity is all kinds of terrifying. Someone should absolutely make a horror film with that storyline. Parents across the world would watch from between their fingers!
9. Traffic. I will break out in a cold sweat so fast when I have a little one in their car seat, who desperately needs a nap, eyelids getting heavy, head sagging, on the verge of nodding off and then up ahead the light changes to red. Change back, change back, change back, you urge through gritted teeth. But alas, your magical traffic light changing powers are shite, you have to slow and, sure enough, as soon as the car comes to a complete stop, ‘WAAAHHHH.’ Feck!
I’m sure as my girls grow up I’ll have plenty more to add to this list. Things like social media will, no doubt, not only join this list but creep up the rankings – the prospect alone already terrifies me.
What terrifies you since becoming a mother?
