There's nothing more frustrating and down-right infuriating about watching your kid being excluded by their peers. It can lead to self-esteem and even health issues in the future.
Oftentimes, bullied or ostracised children may blame themselves for this rejection, and question what it is about their behaviour or appearance that invites negativity.
However, a new study is looking at the behaviour of rejecters themselves as the reason for why one kid, or several kids, are singled out.
Blaming isolation and rejection on the victim's behaviour doesn't explain why an aggressive child might sometimes be a popular classmate. Also, the bad behaviour of a rejected child may not actually be the cause, but rather the consequence, of being rejected.
"We find that the rejected child's behaviour does not lead directly or inevitably to rejection," says Francisco Juan García Bacete, a Professor in the Department of Developmental, Educational and Social Psychology and Methodology, at the Jaume I University, Spain.
"Instead, what actually leads to rejection are the rejecters' interpretations of the child's behaviour, and whether they think it will have a negative impact on themselves or their social group."
Professor Garcia Bacete and his team interviewed 853 children aged five to seven from public schools in Spain about who they liked the least in their class. The kids gave a variety of seemingly random answers such as "I don't like playing football," "He's boring," "He's new," and "She cheats."
The researchers were ready to address this randomness with Grounded Theory. Grounded Theory starts from the reasons provided by the children and, by constantly comparing them, categories emerge that explain differences between the motives for rejection.
Professor Garcia Bacete continued, "Most of the reasons could be grouped under what the rejected child does, says or tries, such as aggression, dominance, problematic social and school behaviours, and disturbance of wellbeing. However, we also noticed that these reasons came with context - specifically, which classmates or groups were involved in the rejection and the frequency it happened."
The Grounded Theory method also revealed two new categories which aren't usually covered in rejection studies - preference and unfamiliarity.
The study found that children's preference of their peers was to strengthen their own personal identities, whereas children who were unfamiliar, or different from them were rejected due to 'a tendency towards choosing and doing what has already been preferred and done'.
No matter the reason given was, researchers found that a child rejected because of the rejecter's perception of how it affected them and their friends.
The study concluded: "This research highlights the importance of teaching children how to be aware of and tackle negative reputations, stereotypes and prejudices, as well as understanding the consequences of their behaviour on themselves and others.
"Positive relationships should b encouraged -- you should respect others, not just your friends."
This study reinforces the theory that bullies bully because of their own insecurities and feeling of powerlessness. Hopefully, parents can use this information to teach their children to be happy and confident in themselves in spite of dealing with rejection.
