Before I was pregnant with my first, I leaned towards having a girl. I was a girl... I'd know what to, I'd be able to handle it better. As soon as I was pregnant, I wanted a boy.
From the moment I knew that baby was in my belly, I clicked into first time mammy mode. All the love, the wishes for the future and all of the worry that comes with it bombarded my thoughts constantly. So. Much. Worry.
Yes, there was a lot to be excited about, and I was, but a large part of why I wanted a boy was fear. I know that boys are not immune to the things that happen in this world. They are not inherently safe, but they are statistically safer. I knew a boy would be safer than a girl, so I hoped for a boy.
I had a boy, the most amazing and beautiful boy. I got used to the 'anxiety of motherhood' so second time around I didn't mind, boy or girl, I was ready. For a year we have lived in our little Covid / maternity bubble but recent events have triggered those old fears.
The news of Aisling Murphy devastated a community and shocked the nation.
As I prepare to return to work, it feels like the world I am sending my daughter into has gotten very dark. I worry what type of future she will have to face. I worry whether I will do enough for my son to understand his responsibility to shape that future.
#shewasgoingforarun
