When the whole wide world is falling over itself to celebrate big-bummed women, it's easy to feel pretty damn miserable if you're a lady with absolutely no junk in your trunk to speak of.
Whether you're petite with a non-existent ass or tall with a bum that simply melts into your thighs, unless you have curves that Kim and Nicki would be proud of, you may as well sit this decade out.
Everyday is a long-ass day for girls like us, amirite? Here are just some of the struggles we must face....
1. You constantly question what caused this unfortunate pancake-like syndrome.
“Did I sit too much as a child? Oh.My.God. Did I bring this on MYSELF?”
2. You have actually lifted your ass up in front of the mirror to see what a “real bum”would look like.
“Get OUT! I'm not doing anything!”
3. Highwaisted jeans prove that the only curve you have from behind is the back of your skull.
“Seriously, you can't tell where my back ends and my legs start, can you?”
4. Butt implants, padded jeans, six pairs of knickers – you've considered it all.
“I don't care how much it costs! Screw the mortgage!"
5. Doing squats in order to GET an ass is difficult when you don't actually HAVE an ass to use.
“I AM pushing it out! I AM!”
6. You puzzle over the fact that you can still have cellulite on an ass that doesn't exist.
“How? How is that fair?"
7. You love that ONE pair of pants which make you look like you have SOMETHING going on.
“Oh, did my GIANT ASS almost knock you over? Yeah, sorry about that.”
8. You check out other girls' bums more than any guy you know.
“Look at it! Talk about perfectly-proportioned!”
9. You become paranoid that people on your daily commute/ or in the office refer to you simply as The Girl With No Ass.
“I just wanna be like you!”
10. Photo of male celebrities with perfect asses do nothing except enrage you.
“It's wasted on him! It should be mine!”
11. Spin classes and bike rides are nothing short of pure agony.
“It's like bone grinding on gristle, lads. Bone grinding on gristle.”
12. Your other half has never seen you from behind after the no-pants-dance.
“Stop! Stop! I can see where I'm going!”
13. You never sit on anyone's lap because why would you do that to someone?
"I like you..so that'll be a no."
