Assertiveness does not come easily to me. I have shied away from conflict and I have struggled to stand up for myself. I have allowed things to happen that I wasn’t comfortable with and I have been silent when I should have spoken up.
When you swallow your own truth over and over again it can start to gnaw away at you. I envied people who could stand firmly in themselves, knew their own boundaries and protected them firmly with grace and strength.
That changed when I had my baby girl. When the midwife held her up and I saw this little squalling nugget with limbs spread out like a starfish, I knew in that instant that I would go through anyone who dared to think about bringing her harm. I knew I would kill for her or die for her and that made me powerful beyond words.
And there I found it. My assertive side. My inner grizzly mama bear. My steel. My fire. I needed her to point it out to me but it had been there all along. Yoga taught me that there is a deep well of stillness inside me that I can access at will.
Becoming a mother taught me that there is a fire inside me that I can access at will.
Fire and water. Ying and yang. Sometimes I forget what I’m made of. Or I bring fire where I really need water or water when fire is required. But now I know that I have both. I am both. And that is a powerful thing.
