Mum and photographer Sujarta Setia takes beautiful photos for her business But Natural Photography. But perhaps her most moving images are those of her own daughter, three-year old Aayat.
Sujarta suffered from post-natal depression after the birth of the daughter – and she now documents Aayat “every single growing up moment” as a catharsis – and a penance – for being “angry and ungrateful” when she was born.
“I never wanted to have a child,” she wrote candidly on her Facebook page. “Being a mother did not come naturally to me. When Aayat was born, I went into depression for a very long spell because for me to accept that I owe every single minute of my life to someone else, was just impossible.
“She is three now. Last week we went for our first family holiday together. Not too far really. Just to Devon and Somerset in UK itself.
“But it made me realise how deeply I love her and how much of what I am today, I owe to her. She has been a constant source of learning for me. She has made me realise that to be self-centred is easy but to surrender yourself in love for someone is the only way to find true happiness.
“These images aren't exactly perfect. The light was terribly wrong in some of them but I hope I will create enough memories for her along the way to be able to forget that first time when the doctor brought a newborn Aayat to me and I shooed him away in anger because physical trauma won over the love for my child.”
And many mums have responded to Sujarta’s post, thanking her for her raw honesty.
“Your honesty is so refreshing,” said one commenter. “Thanks for normalising all aspects of motherhood, good and bad! Your photographs are just the cherry on top, your daughter will remember the good times with you forever!”
While another added: “Thank you for being so transparent. I always wanted to be a mother, it was my dream. To be married and be a mom. Then I got pregnant with a one night stand at a young age, he didn't want me and then I had my baby and I realised how selfish I really am. How hard it is to give up what I planned for my life, what I wanted to do with MY time and my idea of being a mommy fell short. My son suffered from it. It's been a difficult road for us both. But I do love him, with all I have. I have grown, and he has grown up (12 now). We don't talk enough about what it's like for us mothers who don't exactly "like" being a mom and the support we need.”
“I went through the same feelings with my first born... felt it was a blunder... lots of shock in the process,” said another. “But today it’s all been forgotten... a whole new world awaits and a lot more to learn as the days pass by!”
We applaud Sujarta for her bravery in laying herself bare like this. Recognising our weaknesses is hard enough, but taking the next step to share them is even harder. We hope her honesty can help other mums out there going through the same issues.
If you are feeling down and want to talk to someone, you can contact The Samaritans on 116123 – free to call on the island of Ireland.
