This is so incredibly powerful.
Being the supportive partner, friend or family member to someone suffering from depression or anxiety is one of the hardest, patient and most selfless things a person can do.
Brandon Geib – whose wife has long-term depression and severe anxiety – knows this all too well. Before he met her, he had never been close to someone who experienced the illness. However, after five years together, he is equipped more than most to understand the devastating effect it has on the person suffering, as well as the toll it takes on those close who want to help, but find they can’t.
In an incredible open letter to his wife, published on The Mighty, Brandon offers amazing insight into loving someone with, and through, a mental illness.
“Writing from the perspective of a husband who always likes to consider himself truly honest and, for lack of a better term, “manly”, it seemed inconceivable for me at first that there were days I couldn’t make you feel better,” he wrote. “That I was powerless to change how you felt.”
And that’s one of the hardest things – that feeling of powerlessness.
“When you reached your lowest low, it was difficult for me to not take personally your statements asking me to simply let you be and that you needed to work through it on your own,” he continued. “That there was nothing I could do to be a better husband or companion and help your sadness and anxiety go away and that, yes, you were crying, but it was nothing I had done.”
And that’s the crux of depression – it’s an illness that manages to resist all attempts at comfort. “How can you not know how great you are?” we ask helplessly. “How can you feel so down when you’re loved, when you’ve everything doing for you?”
Brandon understands: “The frustration that comes with not being able to tell your depressed wife how much you love her, how each day is brighter with her in it, and instead knowing she will simply smile and not fully believe you or not realize what you’re trying to communicate is truly one of the hardest feelings I’ve ever had to overcome,” he wrote. “In a word, I felt helpless.”
However, after five years supporting his wife through the illness, Brandon has learned to accept this helplessness.
“I have learned that there will always be days when you are down,” he wrote. “Days when you are not quite yourself. And, while some days are a struggle, I am still trying to learn that when you are unhappy, there may not be a root cause.”
And perhaps most importantly, Brandon understand that his wife is not her depression, it’s just a part of her
“When we first met, I thought you were different,” he wrote. “I was right. Because despite the internal battle you fight on a daily basis, you still manage to be truly the best wife I could have ever hoped for.”
You can read Brandon’s letter in its entirety here.
