Yesterday evening my husband asked me if I would be coming out back to do my fitness workout.
I had not got one in at all this week, but I said no because my chest was feeling tight and my breathing short.
He went on without me but as soon as he left I felt worse - and when he asked why, I told him that I was feeling anxious and didn't want to be on my own. I started to cry.
So he took off his boxing gloves right away and came back inside.
I know he was only in the back garden, but I was feeling scared and just not right. It is like I can't catch a full breath.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to scream at the top of my lungs if something as simple as the baby not keeping her dummy in her mouth.
Are these the symptoms of a new mother with a significant lack of sleep or possibly the early draw of postnatal depression creeping in? Most of the time, I'm feeling fine but know there is something not right at the back of my mind so the best thing I can do is catch it before it takes over.
With my first born I had very bad prenatal depression, to the point I gave up my hair salon business because I couldn't bare to do anything, even going into my own salon made me cry. Luckily, my sister took it over for me and kept everything going. I also had postnatal depression after my baby was born, but in all that time I didn't know I had it because I didn't know the signs or what to look out for.
Now I want others to understand what it is like to go through postnatal depression. I want to help others know that they are not alone.
After I had my second child, I asked my mum and my husband if they would monitor my moods so not to let it go too far if it crept up on me again. Thankfully, I was OK and did not get depressed with that pregnancy.
Now two months after giving birth to my little girl, I have started to feel anxious the past couple of weeks. Especially when driving or in the evenings. Nothing seems to trigger it in particular, but once it's there it's hard to shake off.
I've learned to make myself aware of my moods and how I'm feeling because now, with three kids, I don't want to get sucked in by depression as I know how easily it can take over your life. I went to the doctor and told her of my anxiety and she has given me information for a self help programme called 'cognitive behavioural therapy'.
Last night was the first time with the anxiety that I have felt depressed, and having been through it before I know what to look out for and so after seeing the doctor and letting my husband know how I'm feeling I can take action on stopping it early on.
The reason I'm sharing this is that I think it's important for new mothers to speak to their loved ones if they are feeling down and not to feel ashamed or that people will think you are not cut out for motherhood.
They will think you are brave, and by speaking to others it will help overcome those thoughts and help you on the road to feeling better.
Life is too short to be suffering alone so reach out and let people help you.
xx
