Kimberly Zapata took the ultimate plunge one day, and she has no idea what possessed her to go through with it.
The mum-of-one walked upstairs, took out her weighing scales, and stepped on to find what number reading would lay in front of her.
And the moment those digits appeared before her eyes, Kimberly instantly found she began to shame herself into thinking she wasn't good enough.
But it wasn't because of what she weighed per se, as the mum tells us: "The problem with the number was I was looking at it. The problem with the number was that I decided to 'weigh in' at all."
"We live in a numerical world: a world where our worth is defined by digits and figures. Your beauty is defined by your waistband, and by the tag on your bra. Your value is defined by the size of your paycheck, by the clothes you wear and the car you drive."
"And your worth, the strength of your relationships and your sense of self, is defined by the number of likes your Facebook statuses garner, or by the number of 'friends' you have."
"And I vowed years ago, after battling with an eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder, to give up on the BS. I vowed years ago to just be me: to embrace all aspects of me."
Nonetheless, Mum was standing on those scales, upset with herself, passing judgement on her body.
Kimberly was minimising and critiquing her body, the same body which completes marathons, the same body which brought her three-year-old daughter into the world, the same body that battled an eating disorder and the exact same body that went through spinal surgery.
Upset with herself for chasing unrealistic ideals, for even thinking about them, all because of the number the scales presented, it prompted the mum to share her thoughts:
"Perfection is all about perception, and where you see a cinched waist and cute little ass, I see a good, SUPPORTIVE pair of skinny jeans. Where you see an athletic frame, I see a boyish one."
"Where you see the 'perfect body', where you see a size zero body, I see flaws. I find fault. And THAT is the problem, not just with me but with us all."
Reflecting upon the beauty-centric society we live, telling women what kind of bodies we should have, how we can appear to look 10 years younger with the help of one little lift here or there, Kimberly remembers her vows, wanting others to recognise them too.
"Make no mistake: I’m not naive. I know I cannot change the world with one blog post. I know I cannot change our culture with a status update, but I'm hoping to change the mind of one girl, one young lady, or one woman who hates themselves because of a number."
"I am hoping to change the mind of one person who avoids social situations to avoid eating. To avoid getting dressed. To avoid judgement and shame. I am hoping to change myself."
So to all mums who are struggling with accepting who they are, or feel under pressure to look like the picture perfect TV mums, just take a moment and remember Kimberly's words:
"I know you may not see it, I know you probably don’t feel it, and I know you may never hear those words, 'you are beautiful', but you are."
"Because beauty isn’t a size or a shape. It isn’t the clothes you wear and it has nothing to do with your makeup, your weight, or even your hair."
"Beauty is authenticity. Beauty is strength. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is being you."
