Sometimes you just need someone to give you a quick reality check, to put motherhood into perspective.
Mum-of-two, Laura Mazza, was having a crazy day.
Wrangling with two children, she rushed to her therapy appointment. With no one to mind the children she stumbled in, apologising for being late.
"'I’m sorry I’m late, I’m a terrible mess. I’m a bad mother. I can’t get my stuff together, yadda yadda yadda... you know how I am... I’m so sorry' Pointing to my two children 'I had no one else'"
Immediately the therapist said, "You’re not a bad mother, you know how I can tell? Because of all the things you’ve just said."
Firstly, she asked why Mazza was late:
"Because my son didn't like the t-shirt I wanted to put him in, so I changed him."
"She said, 'So you took the time to clothe your children and even respected what they wanted to wear to express themselves... why are you a terrible mess?'"
Mazza replied that it was because she had stains on her clothes from feeding the children and mascara running down her face.
"She said, 'So you fed your kids breakfast and helped them eat it, and you made the effort for yourself and wanted to look presentable for our time together."
And finally she asked why she doesn't feel together.
"She said, 'So rather than cancelling on today, you did the most hardest thing in the world for someone with anxiety and for someone with two young children, you got dressed, you dressed your two kids, you fed them, you brought them out of the house, and you came to an appointment because you want to better yourself for them.'"
The therapist continued to tell Laura why being stressed, busy and messy are actually good things. Mothers, she continues, give so much of themselves, that an act of self-care, such as seeing therapist, should be commended.
"For kids to grow up emotionally stable they only need 30% of us. Only 30% each day to grow up happy and loved, but even though you have your time right now, you’ve already given them more than that."
"Mothers only need to give 30% but we give more like 90% if not more, every day. Now does that sound like someone who doesn't have their s**t together? Or does that sound like someone who is doing her damn best despite any adversity thrown her way?'"
It was advice at Mazza needed to hear. But then she asked what happens to the other 10%:
"The other 10% is usually because mothers have to hide in the toilet to poo... so we will give them that 10% as leeway to have 2 minutes peace to themselves."
"So whenever you go anywhere, your kids are screaming, your clothes are stained, your eyes are bloodshot from being tired and you feel like you are a mess, remember THESE are all signs that you are mothering, and you are doing it damn right."
Amen to that!
