We had a kid-free night on Saturday, so we had a well needed rest and a nice little snooze on Sunday. Mum told me she was going to take the kids London with her and Dad on Sunday, so they were gone all day.
It felt really weird.
The first couple of hours were lovely; we got up, had breakfast, took the dog for the walk and then we got home and we're like, "erm, what do we do now?"
Before having kids we would have filled our days doing nothing, but now we feel lost. I couldn’t wait to get them back. By the time they got home, I only had time to bathe them at my mum's and then put them in the car. Literally, within 5 minutes they were both asleep.
When I woke up this morning, the usual school rush kicked in and I got myself into a state trying to get them out the door at 8am.
After I dropped them at school, I came home to do my housework and I just sat there and thought “ahh, I miss my little mates”.
I hadn’t spent any time with them this weekend; I’m always with them. They hardly have sleepovers anymore now my mum flits from Spain and UK, so we’ve had a few attempts in the past couple of months where Kellan has wanted to come home. So, not going to lie, we did think that the kids would be back home by 11pm.
However, they surprised us and stayed all night and slept from 8-6:30. Lucky Mum and Dad.
I’m not one of those mums that love it when their kids are away for the night. Don’t get me wrong, I like getting into my bed knowing that I’m not going to be awoken at 5am, but I do miss the little footsteps coming down the hallway and sneaking into our bed for a cheeky snuggle at 1am.
I also miss the shouting out for mummy from Grayson at his baby gate first thing in the morning, the teddy tired eyes and bed head, and then, their smell. I woke up Sunday and me and Dan both agreed the house just didn’t feel like home without them. It was empty. Lonely.
Our house is a hectic mess 99.9% of the time.
I stress and faff when the kids don’t listen to me, and I do sometimes become a shouty mum, because some days I just can’t quite keep myself together (I am human after all). The kids fight and argue and decide they both want to play with the same toys. But we also have love and cuddles and sloppy kisses, playtime and fun, giggles and calmness. My home is my favourite place because of these moments.
I love having my boys with me. I miss them as soon as they leave. I even miss them when I’m on a night out and I know they are at home with Dan - I can’t wait to get back to them.
I am taking a new approach and trying to take everyday as it comes and to appreciate them and the little things that happen, because this time really does go too quick. I just don’t want to look back and think “what the fuck was i doing?”. I don’t want to miss out on anything to do with our princes.
Now, I’m off to tuck them in for the night and give them their little kisses on their foreheads and wish them sweet dreams and a good night.
They are my everything, even when they make me turn into shouty mum.
