Mum-of-two Paloma Faith has been documenting her postpartum journey, sharing her story and experience of motherhood with fans and followers, making sure to share the good, the bad and the ugly.
In her most recent postpartum diary entry, Paloma discusses the popular debate of bottle versus breastfeeding. Now, as we all know, fed is best, meaning a fed baby is a happy baby. However, as Paloma explains, she can’t help but feel quite sad that she won’t be able to fully breastfeed her darling daughter.
“I breastfed my first child for 7 months exclusively,” Paloma explains, adding, “Through mastitis and engorgement and tongue tie and reflux. This time I thought I don’t want to mentally go to that place again, so I thought I would give bottles of pumped milk at night and boobs in the day. That way, if I got PPD or needed a night off I could let someone else do it.”
“Then my baby (this one) was diagnosed with tongue tie and we had it snipped. Then it grew back and I snipped it again. Now it’s gone, but she still gets frustrated at my breasts. I started to see that she would do one suck and expect milk like she gets with the bottle. After three sucks she would scream as if to say, ‘it’s not coming out!’.”
“Then with her hunger she would cry and bang me. After a while she learnt to feed but this behaviour would start after 15 mins, then 10, now 5 and I would pump milk and top her up with a bottle. Well, you can guess what predicament I find myself in.”
Continuing, the 39-year-old singer has realised, “It very much feels like my baby has chosen bottle over boob herself. I cry a lot about it. I want the bond I felt with my first. I tried myofunctional therapy to get her tongue going and it’s helping, but there is no quick fix. I am trying not to make it about me, but sometimes the self doubt creeps in.”
Echoing our own thoughts exactly, Paloma notes, “Everyone says, ‘a happy baby is a fed baby’ and you start thinking I should just go with what she wants. But, I hate pumping.” She explained that she has a medela symphony breast pump at home for “speed, and the freestyle and the elvie pumps which slot right in your bra for walking around (convenient)”.
“I am just going to spend the day trying to accept that if I don’t want to hear my baby protest and cry and hit my boobs for however many days, she has decided what I have to do.”
“I vowed I wouldn’t pump, I’m pumping. Next stop try the formula conveyor belt. But I’m just going to take a few days to allow myself to get my head round it and mourn a bit. I know in the long run we will find our happiness but some days it gets a bit sad.”
“Mums are amazing whether you breastfeed, pump or formula, but every choice you make seems to have a sacrifice. Maybe that’s the lesson of parenthood?!” Paloma poignantly points out.