My son is strong-willed. He knows his own mind and he has been going against the grain since he was a year and a half old.
It is not that he is a difficult child; he is kind, generous, smart and caring to his two sisters. He drops everything to help me carry groceries. He is the best at snuggles, and he has a frighteningly fast mind.
But, like his dad, when he disagrees with something, he disagrees with his whole heart, and there is not much that is going to change that. He will comply with something not because he is asked, but when he believes it is the right time to do so. He has very high standards and places a great emphasis on fairness.
But facing off against this little powerhouse, who has very strong ideas on everything from the shape of sandwiches to whether potatoes should touch meat, is often very, very exhausting.
I have always tried to concentrate on the positives that come from raising a headstrong boy; He dominates a room when he walks into it, he has great inner confidence and wonderful determination. His former Montessori teacher, who has been looking after children for over 25 years, told me recently 'You want a strong-willed child. Those are the ones who don’t follow their friends into trouble in later life.”
And it turns out that she was right, studies now show that children who push the limits, break the rules and defy parents often go on to become educational over-achievers and high earners in their adult life.
The study examined children between the ages of 8 and 12 years old for traits such as entitlement and defiance. 40 years later, the researchers followed up with the same children and found that those who demonstrated rule breaking and defiance turned out to be the most successful in work and academic life.
It's believed that strong-willed children are more likely to be better at negotiations and more demanding in later life when it comes to salaries. They also tap into their competitive nature which could explain the determination to achieve the best grades as they mature. And they refused to be pushed around.
So the next time your child refuses to get dressed or won't sit for their dinner, just take a very deep breath and imagine all the benefits that come from having a little high-achiever.
Someday soon, your strong-willed powerhouse will take you out to fancy restaurants with all their success; Restaurants where they will no longer be able to throw food across the table at you.
Relish that thought, and go back to scraping Weetabix off the floor.
