Lori Tipton knew she wanted a child. And while she knew it would change her life, she wasn't exactly sure how.
So the New Orleans native did her research. She asked a string of parents what they felt was their biggest challenge, post-baby, and one answer stood out: “I don’t have time for myself anymore.”
Lori found this remark particularly daunting. After all, she’d always lived alone and was an ambitious writer and blogger.
“How was I supposed to find the energy to have a career, pursue my passions and raise a child with the help of only one person?,” she wrote on her blog Primemind.com.
So she didn’t raise her child with just one person. Instead, she found Lee, a gay man who desperately wanted a child.
“A year later, our son Wilder was born,” she wrote. “He has three dads. My partner Andy, who had a vasectomy early in our relationship, and I moved into one household.”
“Wilder’s biological father Lee and his partner Clint live less than a mile away. Wilder shares his time with all of us.”
It’s certainly an unusual choice, so it’s no surprise that Lori has received both praise and criticism.
“Some mothers joked that they wished they had thought of the idea, while others remarked that they would never be able to give up being with their ‘baby’ at all times,” she wrote.
But Lori refuses to bow to her critics.
While she admits that decision-making with two sets of parents can be tricky, she insists that her unconventional family is working tremendously well.
“Wilder shows no issue with sharing his time between our households,” she writes. “Lee, known to Wilder as ‘Daddy’, is an ace at baking and sewing. At times, he is the quintessential housewife.”
She adds that Lee’s creative partner Clint has strongly influenced his personality. “He’s inquisitive, social and thoughtful.”
Lee and Clint have Wilder three nights a week, and sometimes all four parents get a babysitter for Wilder so they can have time together.
“It is deeply understood by every member of the family that our time with Wilder and our personal time are equally important,” she wrote. “This is instrumental in preventing feelings of exhaustion or resentment.”
The extra support was especially important during Wilder’s first few months.
“As I went through the immense body changes and emotional upsets... their willingness to listen and offer me support, and provide loving care for Wilder, was immeasurably helpful for my well-being.”
And Lori only has to look around to see that she has made the right decision.
“Often at the park…I listen as morose mothers talk about all the things they wish they had time to do. Wilder’s three fathers and I have all been able to continue cultivating our passions.”
“When I am with Wilder, I work to be present. I will continue to stand up and rebuke the notion that such an approach to life makes me a bad mother, because I’ve learned that in order to be the best parent I can be, I have to first be the best person I can be.”
You can read Lori's full blog post here.
