Quiet Please

I don't claim to have the perfect children. And to be fair, I don't know many mums (or dads) who could. And I'm not the perfect mum either, not by a long stretch. But I do have rules. And one of those rules is having manners at the dinner table. I was brought up in a large family, and we always ate as a family, and I remember a few things quite clearly. Firstly, there was never any food left on the plates (when you are 1 of 7 kids you learn that if you don't get to it first, somebody else will, and there is NEVER seconds, and there are NEVER alternative meal options). Secondly, none of us were picky eaters - you got what was cooked, and you ate it, or not, end of. And thirdly, you didn't misbehave at the table - it just wasn't done. So here's my problem. I'm a progressive mom, I like to think I'm hip to the most recent beat, but when did the rule come in to say that you don’t have to be well behaved at the dinner table? And most especially when that dinner table is in public?

 

I don’t eat out that often, but when I do, I can't stand having to listen to unruly children in the restaurant. And the only thing worse than having to endure somebody elses crying child, is having to watch as parents ignore the behaviour. It’s a matter of standards. When I’m out with my children, they don’t ape around the restaurant, they don’t scream their demands and they most certainly don’t partake in an all out meltdown because the ice cream isn’t cold enough. My children are 4 and 6 and they have the ability to have dinner in public without causing any other person any interference, and they have been brought up that way. I’ve worked damn hard to rear my children with manners – so is it too much to expect that other parents would do the same??

 

And before I get hounded, about the 'sweat shop' parenting approach I’m taking, stop for a moment, and imagine, if you will, the following. It's a restaurant / cafe bistro type place, there's a bit of a whimper from a child in the corner. To be fair it’s not bad and certainly won’t put me off my dinner. The whimper soon grows, I glance around – mum and dad are busy talking to their friends, while angry child grows louder. I’m growing irritated now. The whimper is now an all-out scream. Mum is now giving the ‘shush’ sign to her child, and yet still continues with her adult conversation. The screams are now unbearable. Eventually dad picks up child, storms to the door of the restaurant, the child quietens down, he says something to him, puts the child on the ground and walks away. The child resumes screaming. Dad thinks better of it, returns to screaming child and stomps out of the restaurant.

 

I’ve no idea what happened in that situation – but I can tell you, it would never have happened with my kids. Who, incidentally were sitting next to me at the table, enjoying their lunch, because they know how to. And I don’t blame that crying child here, I blame the ignorance and laziness of the parents who clearly never set out any rules or expectations for this child to abide by. It’s never too early to start teaching manners. Never.

 

And ok, so this isn’t war, and nobody died. But it’s infuriating and totally unnecessary. If this is the norm for parenting today, I don’t want to be the norm. And I can see why there are restaurants in the US that ban kids after a certain time – I certainly don’t want to go out for a meal and have to listen to tantrums - do you?