Demotivation, Parental Guilt and Picking Myaelf Back Up
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I can't really pin down what has been up with me this last week or so, all I know is that I have been very busy and very tired which has resulted in me feeling demotivated to exercise, look after myself or even relax properly. I was in London twice the week before last and then at my cousin's wedding followed by Lincoln and Nottingham for a couple of days last week and whilst that was all very lovely and I had a great time in each place, it's totally thrown my usual work schedule and I've been playing catch up the whole time.
I like to be really organised and know where I am, what I'm doing and what's next at all times, but obviously having a baby throws that out somewhat and I wrote a while back about my new systems for organising my life. The thing is, that work and blogging events, social outings and a teething baby who won't eat, sleep or play very well do mean that the most organised diaries and bullet-pointed to-do lists go out of the window. As we all know, there are no sick days when you're a stay-at-home-parent and there is no sick pay when you are self-employed so all in all I've been feeling guilty to Toby for not playing with him enough and guilty to my blog and work for not getting them done in plenty of time. Don't even get me started on the lack of quality time with Phil or piles of dishes and laundry!
This isn't a 'woe me' post, although I'll admit it does sound like one so far! Phil and I have found an absolutely gorgeous nursery which Toby will soon be going to once a week and with my mum having him overnight Thursday and all day Friday, that means I will have a little over two full days a week for work. I think it's a great compromise because I can have a good amount of time to devote entirely to work, with days in between to devote entirely to Toby. I won't be spending his nap times hoping he'll sleep for longer than his usual half an hour because I have articles to write, dishes to wash, scheduling to do oh and maybe a shower and breakfast to have. When he's at nursery or my mum's I'll know that Toby is being looked after and given loads of attention and when he's with me we can go for walks, to the park, meet up with friends or just chill and play at home without me checking my phone every few minutes.
When I fell pregnant all of my dreams came true and I don't want to feel that the absolute blessing and miracle that is motherhood feels like a chore. Likewise, I've wanted to be a writer ever since I was in primary school so although I'm hardly Jane Austen, the work I'm doing now is what I want to be doing and I don't want to give that up. My husband is my forever man and he deserves a wife who's conscious past 8pm and can provide something close to decent conversation rather that burbled garbage about stats and dodgy internet. Phil, Toby, my work and I will all be so much better off for the new structure in our lives and whilst I'm naturally nervous about leaving Toby in someone else's care, he's such a sociable little thing and I know that he will love nursery.
So where does that leave my exercise? I think part of my tiredness and lethargy has come from doing little exercise other than power walking from train to tube to venue and back again in very impractical shoes and running up and down the stairs every few minutes when Toby is refusing to nap. It's not good enough and I'm well aware of it so included in my new schedule is time for exercise. I've not even been to Body Balance for two weeks and I very rarely miss that so I've been throwing precious funds down the drain on a gym membership I'm not using. I will go back to Body Balance, I will spend an hour in the gym either just after mum collects Toby or on a Friday when Phil's home for Toby getting back and I will run a minimum of once a week in the build up to my 10km race in July. There will be days when I feel ill or I've been up all night with Toby, there will be weeks when I'm in other cities more than I'm at home, but if I can keep to this routine even 90% of the time then I'm absolutely convinced that I will feel better, look better, function better and stop bleeding crying at the drop of a hat - it's annoying!
What I ask of you, my dear readers, is that you make sure I stick to it. Don't be afraid to ask me what I've been doing, ask how my 10km training is going, send me a message to make sure I've not created an excuse not to go to the gym. Make me accountable for my actions! Have you got any motivational words for me? Any tips for building my knee up after my last 6km run felt like it was about to explode? Let me know in the comments below or get in touch on Faceboo k or [url=http://www.twitter.com/buddingsmiles]Twitter[ /url].
I like to be really organised and know where I am, what I'm doing and what's next at all times, but obviously having a baby throws that out somewhat and I wrote a while back about my new systems for organising my life. The thing is, that work and blogging events, social outings and a teething baby who won't eat, sleep or play very well do mean that the most organised diaries and bullet-pointed to-do lists go out of the window. As we all know, there are no sick days when you're a stay-at-home-parent and there is no sick pay when you are self-employed so all in all I've been feeling guilty to Toby for not playing with him enough and guilty to my blog and work for not getting them done in plenty of time. Don't even get me started on the lack of quality time with Phil or piles of dishes and laundry!
This isn't a 'woe me' post, although I'll admit it does sound like one so far! Phil and I have found an absolutely gorgeous nursery which Toby will soon be going to once a week and with my mum having him overnight Thursday and all day Friday, that means I will have a little over two full days a week for work. I think it's a great compromise because I can have a good amount of time to devote entirely to work, with days in between to devote entirely to Toby. I won't be spending his nap times hoping he'll sleep for longer than his usual half an hour because I have articles to write, dishes to wash, scheduling to do oh and maybe a shower and breakfast to have. When he's at nursery or my mum's I'll know that Toby is being looked after and given loads of attention and when he's with me we can go for walks, to the park, meet up with friends or just chill and play at home without me checking my phone every few minutes.
When I fell pregnant all of my dreams came true and I don't want to feel that the absolute blessing and miracle that is motherhood feels like a chore. Likewise, I've wanted to be a writer ever since I was in primary school so although I'm hardly Jane Austen, the work I'm doing now is what I want to be doing and I don't want to give that up. My husband is my forever man and he deserves a wife who's conscious past 8pm and can provide something close to decent conversation rather that burbled garbage about stats and dodgy internet. Phil, Toby, my work and I will all be so much better off for the new structure in our lives and whilst I'm naturally nervous about leaving Toby in someone else's care, he's such a sociable little thing and I know that he will love nursery.
So where does that leave my exercise? I think part of my tiredness and lethargy has come from doing little exercise other than power walking from train to tube to venue and back again in very impractical shoes and running up and down the stairs every few minutes when Toby is refusing to nap. It's not good enough and I'm well aware of it so included in my new schedule is time for exercise. I've not even been to Body Balance for two weeks and I very rarely miss that so I've been throwing precious funds down the drain on a gym membership I'm not using. I will go back to Body Balance, I will spend an hour in the gym either just after mum collects Toby or on a Friday when Phil's home for Toby getting back and I will run a minimum of once a week in the build up to my 10km race in July. There will be days when I feel ill or I've been up all night with Toby, there will be weeks when I'm in other cities more than I'm at home, but if I can keep to this routine even 90% of the time then I'm absolutely convinced that I will feel better, look better, function better and stop bleeding crying at the drop of a hat - it's annoying!
What I ask of you, my dear readers, is that you make sure I stick to it. Don't be afraid to ask me what I've been doing, ask how my 10km training is going, send me a message to make sure I've not created an excuse not to go to the gym. Make me accountable for my actions! Have you got any motivational words for me? Any tips for building my knee up after my last 6km run felt like it was about to explode? Let me know in the comments below or get in touch on Faceboo k or [url=http://www.twitter.com/buddingsmiles]Twitter[ /url].
