I swore I would never slap - now I'm not so sure

As a child there were many times my parents would do something that caused me to say, “I will never do that as a parent!” Most people have similar experiences I think. Growing up we criticise and evaluate every “wrong” move we feel our parents are making. It is easy to say you will be a certain type of parent before having children, but once those little bundles of joy are born, it is of course an entirely different story.

 

One thing I had sworn that I would never do is slap my children. As a child I was slapped occasionally. It was never severe and we definitely grew up under the belief of 'spare the rod and spoil the child'. Obviously I didn't enjoy it, and as a result I grew up believing that hitting was not the answer to discipline problems. I told myself that my children would be well-behaved and well disciplined children under gentle parenting practices.

 

Fast forward to today. I have three small children all under the ages of 6. I am a stay-at-home mum and responsible for the care and safety of all three children on a daily basis. And I must confess, I have found myself resorting to the occasional slap every now and then.

 

I feel guilty about even the most minor slap on the back of the hand, but there are times I feel it is necessary. The first slap I ever gave my daughter happened when she suddenly ran into the road. Out of the blue, she ran straight out on to a main road, in front of traffic. She was only 2½ and needless to say I got the fright of my life. I found myself in a fit of tears shouting at her, as I grabbed her back to the kerb, and automatically gave her a slap on the bum and told her never to do that again. I felt horrendous afterwards. I was annoyed with myself for slapping her, for not keeping hold of her hand, for not seeing what was about to happen with my special 'see into the future mum glasses' etc. And that evening as I whimpered into my wine glass (yes I also indulge in the occasional glass of red), I was reminded of a similar situation that had happened to me as a child. And I realised my parents had good reason for the occasional slap. Although it didn't make me feel much better at the time, it did make me think.

 

I don’t feel I am a poor parent because of an occasional slap, and they are very infrequent occasions. But, like I said, I do feel guilty. I am doing what I swore I would never do, but worse, I'm doing something that doesn't make anyone happy in the long run, and leaves me feeling massively guilty. I believe it is up to every parent to learn the best way to discipline their children and if the occasional slap is needed then so be it.

 

So ... I guess my question is, give it up (the slapping) or get over it (the guilt)?