In any couple’s relationship, the discussion surrounding starting a family can be a hesitant one. Whether you bring it up early on in your relationship, or a few years down the line, it can sometimes feel like the elephant in the room that you need to discuss.
If you have never had a thorough chat about having children before, then you might feel completely in the dark about what your partner’s thoughts are on the matter. If you are eager to start trying for a baby, then it’s crucial that you and your S.O. are on the same page.
But how do you start the conversation? Well, we’re here to help you!
We have gathered together our top pieces of advice for when you want to have ‘The Talk’ with your partner. Regardless of how daunting it may be, this is something that needs to be discussed openly and honestly between the two of you, and so it is worth taking some time beforehand to prepare yourself for it:
Have you talked about it beforehand?
Like we said before, if this is the first time in your relationship that you will be talking about having a child together, then the idea of bringing up might feel rather intense. Going into your conversation, think back on your relationship with your partner so far. Can you see the two of you being parents together? Do they have the qualities that you need from a partner? Before you start trying for a baby, it is important to figure out if both of you are well-suited to this lifelong commitment.
Make sure you want to for the right reasons
Us women know all too well that once you reach a certain age, societal pressure starts to weigh down on you to become a mother. Whether it be your loved ones pestering you with questions or an old acquaintance from school sharing that they have welcomed a child, the world around you can make it feel like a ticking time bomb. So, we would urge you not to cave into those pressures from others! Before you speak to your partner, make sure that having a baby is what you really want. Is now the right time to start trying, or is life too busy at the moment? Your career, finances and living space all play into your decision, so be sure it’s the right one before bringing it up with your partner.
Plan the right time to ask
Now that you have decided that you definitely want to have the conversation, it’s time to figure out when the right opportunity is to discuss it. The last thing you want to do is randomly spring the topic upon your partner without warning. Before mentioning the idea of children, make sure that you are both in a comfortable setting and that neither of you are too tired or stressed out at that moment in time.
Listen to any concerns
Even if your partner agrees that it is the right time for the two of you to start trying for a baby, they might still have a few concerns that they need to bring up with you beforehand. When they do, listen to them intently, validate them and, if you are able to, reassure them of their worries. Having a baby is one of the biggest commitments that you can possibly make, and so it is crucial that both of you are on the same page, as well as being able to soothe each other’s worries.
Be willing to compromise
Like everything else in a relationship, starting a family can often take a bit of compromise. Will you need to move house before you welcome your child? How much maternity and paternity leave will you be able to take once the baby is born? Are your finances stable enough to add a new addition to your household? Many key decisions will need to be taken before you start trying for a baby, and it is important for both you and your partner to be willing to compromise - even when it seems impossible!
Do your ideal family plans match?
Lastly, although you might be able to blend your parenting qualities together, you should also consider your ideal family plan versus your partner’s. How many kids do each of you want to have? How many years would you like each of your children to be spaced out by? Pregnancy can take a huge toll on every mum-to-be, and so you might not want to have multiple children back-to-back. In your discussion, the two of you should try to agree on a rough schedule that will, hopefully, allow you to create your ideal future family.