Cancer is a scary word and not just for adults. To many children this very word provokes questions and worries about the future. While a tough subject to discuss, it is, unfortunately, something that will touch many of us throughout our lives, whether in our immediate or extended family.
When it comes to talking to kids about this, there are a number of things you need to keep in mind.
Why you should tell them
Kids will pick up on the change in routine, especially if the person affected is in the same house. They will notice the hushed whispers and this may frighten them more than the actual diagnosis. Kids thrive on routine and they will know that something is amiss.
When to tell them
It is important you tell them before they pick it up elsewhere - children are an intuitive bunch and they will start to feel that something isn’t right. However, you must choose wisely when you tell them. Before bed can be difficult as they may struggle to sleep and times when they are tired or when you are rushing to be somewhere, like school, aren't ideal either. They will have a lot of questions and will need time to take it in. A day when you have nothing planned or in the afternoon so that they can have a think and ask you any questions is more suitable.
How to tell them
If you have more than one child and they are close in age, tell them together. If you tell one sibling and not the other they may feel they have to bear certain responsibilities on their own. If you are a little worried about stumbling over your words or even welling up, practice beforehand. While you may be scared and frightened, it is important you don’t cry. If you are strong and positive about the diagnosis then they will feed off that. Cuddles before and after will help them feel secure.
How much to tell
Only you know how much information your son or daughter can handle, although you may be surprised at how much they know already. Depending on their age, you can talk about treatment, side effects and how you feel. Be as honest as possible. If they find out information from other people they may wonder why they weren’t told and start to think that you are hiding something else.
Be prepared
Work as a team with your other half. Talk to each other about how much information you are going to give your children and what you are going to say. You both need to be on the same wavelength so that your child doesn’t become confused. Be prepared for questions and have answers ready. If they ask you something that you don’t know the answer to, tell them that.
Honesty is key to ensuring your child isn’t frightened.
