Fancy jewellery and weekend breaks away are a nice treat, and we certainly wouldn't say no if we found them under the tree, but, to be honest, us mums are a simple folk.

 

We're not after lavish gifts; no, we want simple things. Things that we never get.

 

Like:

 

1. A self-cleaning oven. 'Cause no one wants that job.

 

2. A morning lie-in that goes on past 7am. We've been waking up at 6am for the past five years - it's time for a snooze. 

 

3. A bottomless tin of Roses. That we don't have to share with anyone. Not even our significant other.

 

 

4. Actually, make that a bottomless bottle of Prosecco. Because it's Christmas. 

 

5. Quiet time (at least 30 minutes). No gentle tapping on the shoulder, no whispers of 'mum, can you open this', no sound whatsoever. 

 

6. A little bit of appreciation. You know, for cooking five different, for being a taxi service, for basically being a slave to the kids.

 

 

7. Help! To hang the washing out, help to empty the dishwasher, help with life, basically. 

 

8. 'Something nice' that isn't covered in sticky fingerprints, or has spit on it, or is ten years old. Like every single item of clothing in our wardrobe. 

 

9. For someone to go through the odd sock drawer. 

 

10. Time. To drink tea, to have a shower, to go to the toilet. 

 

 

11. To watch Midsomer Murders without the tip-tapping of someone (who is meant to be asleep) wanting another drink.

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