A picture is worth a thousand words...I hope

I have a photo of my children on my desk in work. Joshua is struggling to get out of his tricycle and Grace is crouched beside him laughing uproariously at his discomfort. 

I never thought I‘d be the type of woman who kept a photo of her children perched beside her computer screen, but I soon realised it was a done thing in my particular office.

I definitely didn’t want to be the only mum that didn’t comply; what kind of message would that give?

I remember the morning I fished it out of my handbag and hesitantly placed it beside my day planner. I remember furtively looking around the office to see if anyone had noticed.

Look at me. I’m a mum too. I’m just like you!

What was I trying to prove?

The bags under my eyes proved I was a mum. The handbag that contained an assortment of dummies and a cloth storybook proved I was a mum. The children who lived with me and called me ‘mummy’ proved I was a mum. So why did I feel I had to buy into this sentimental ritual?

Maybe because I was trying to assuage the guilt I felt at considering work my ‘safe place’.

I’m sure sleepless nights, breakfast time battles and tearful playground goodbyes give me the appearance of someone who’d rather spend the next twelve months in bed rather than in a bustling office, but if I’m honest work is where I come to decompress.

Yes, my job is hectic, stressful and some people’s worst nightmare, but it keeps me sane.

I placed my children’s photo on my desk as some form of protection. What would people think if they knew stealing away to work every day was my therapy?

There’s no way someone who keeps a photo of her beloved kids on her desk would ever have such thoughts, right? She’d be the type of mum who resented every second she spent away from her children.

That’s the vibe I’m trying to give off, anyway.

But to be completely honest, being a mum is the hardest job I’ve ever had and going to work is my break.

I am certain that working outside the home makes me a better mum to my two children, but until I’m brave enough to say that out loud without wincing, the photo of my children will stay exactly where it is.