My son is fascinated by my impending death

My seven-year-old son seems determined that I come to terms with my own mortality and it looks like he’ll stop at nothing until I feel like I’m staring death in the face at least once a day.

It’s disconcerting to say the least. 

I know, I know- what kind of horror am I raising?

It’s not how it seems, however, but that doesn’t really make it any easier to shrug off sometimes.

It all started a few years ago when he presented me with a handmade card bearing the message “When you diy (sic) I will be with you’ .

The note was scrawled in his wobbly five-year-old hand which for some reason made it all the more poignant.

Initially I wondered whether my son had picked up on my irritation at his father’s lack of handyman prowess and was merely offering support in this department, but then I realised he meant ‘die’.

Die. No longer exist. Shuffle off my mortal coilt. Leave my children without a mother.

No matter how you sugar-coat it, that’s what he meant.

"What made him think such morbid thoughts", I wondered, but didn’t dwell on it.

Assuming he had made his point, I thought no more of it until I found another card a few weeks later with the note: “I’ll think of you even when you’re safe in heaven.”

These notes and cards have become commonplace ever since, but my son doesn’t display any signs of trauma or stress when it comes to the issue of death.

When his dad and I questioned him on the sombre and, I’ll be frank, downright creepy themes featured in his Mother’s Day cards and special mummy/ son notes, he appeared utterly confused.

When we expressed concern that he was dwelling on mummy’s death a little too much, he basically said that he thought dying was the only thing to be scared of and he never wants mummy to feel scared, not on his watch anyway.

Initially relieved that it was just his way of stretching a methaphorical arm around his mum’s shoulders, I found myself wishing he could display his feelings for me in a more upbeat manner.

His 14-year-old brother mumbles an ‘I love you’ every night without fail, even if he spent much of the day proving otherwise.

His older sister has been known to hug me spontaneously and without hesitation no matter who's been around to see it.

His two-year-old brother shows his love by allowing me to sleep through the night without so much as a wail anymore.

And  Alex? Well, Alex reminds me almost daily that death is acoming, but not to worry, because he’s got my back.

It’s something, I suppose.