My toddler's reaction to my pregnancy still haunts me today

These days the internet is awash with footage of adorable little ones nearly collapsing with excitement upon learning they're due to welcome a little brother or sister into their home.

I actively seek out these videos if my newsfeed doesn't happen to feature one on a particular day because it gives me a serious case of the warm and fuzzies.

While I wish I could say I'm simply reminding myself of a similar moment between my eldest child and myself, that would be an outright lie.

Telling my first-born that another child was on the way was probably one the most disheartening moments of my life.

Instead of shrieking with excitement and throwing her arms around me, Grace shrank away from me on the couch and hugged her arms to herself.

I recall my husband and I glancing at each other before gently trying again.

This time, she made her feelings clear and roared crying – her three-year-old body shaking with the force of her sobs.

I've never felt so wrongfooted in my life. Of all the reactions I expected, this didn't even make the list.

At that age, Grace was a warm and caring child who spent most of her day taking care of her 'babies', tending to the family pet and playing Mummy to a host of cuddly toys.

I genuinely thought the imminent arrival of a new baby would herald delight not despair.

The thing is though, I never asked.

I never broached the topic or sussed her out, I simply assumed.

Through her tears, she asked why we didn't want her anymore.

Stricken, we haltingly explained that she had brought us so much happiness – more than we could ever imagine - we simply wanted to experience that again with another little baby who couldn't wait to meet their special big sister.

She wasn't buying it.

And for a full eight months after Joshua's arrival, she still didn't buy it.

Her jealousy and insecurity manifested physically, and she would often come down with sick stomachs or headaches – all of which the GP chalked down to 'upset' which would gradually lessen over time.

We tried everything to show Grace she was just as imporant as before, if not more so now that she had a special role as big sister, but nothing doing.

Months dragged on and our eldest child became a shadow of herself she watched family members, friends and neighbours fawn over the new arrival.

She became withdrawn and snappy - something which I spent many sleepless nigths agonisisng over.

While the newborn is meant to induce exhaustion, it didn't work that way in our house.

Joshua took to his routine like a duck to water, slept throught the night, rarely cried or fretted, and appeared to raise himself.

Until one day that changed and he shirked his routine, cried all night and could do nothing but perspire and puke.

He had picked up a minor stomach bug which required a trip to the GP.

Upon seeing her younger brother in distress, Grace did a full 180 and could barely relax until she knew he was “all better again.”

The end of Joshua's stomach flu heralded a new dawn in our house.

The evening we returned from the GP, I found Grace, who had slipped out of her own bed, kneeling quietly by Joshua's cot as he slept.

I watched as she pushed her favourite cuddly toy through the bars of his crib and felt a surge of relief when I realised we had finally reached a turning point in our house.