Seven years on, I still don't feel like a 'real mum'

At what point in your journey through motherhood, do you actually feel like you've nailed it?

Seven years into my journey and I still feel I'm going to be exposed as a fraud.

While I have a little girl who calls me 'Mum' and a handbag chock-full of Calpol, school leaflets and notes penned in a childish scrawl, I still don't feel like I've earned the title yet.

'Mums' are all-seeing, all-knowing creatures and yet here I am struggling to ascertain when I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes by a child who struggles to tie her shoelaces.

When I'm in standing in a group of mothers, I often find myself earnestly listening to their opinions and frantically stockingpiling certain phrases which might make me sound more like a real-life mum next time around.

I bluff my way through certain situations because sometimes I just don't feel like I'm 'there' yet.

I keep schtum during meetings because I don't think I'm qualified to offer an opinion in front of some women who live and breathe their mummy status.

I'm a woman who happens to have a child, but I don't think I'm the 'mum' you're meant to become upon giving birth.

While I have a child's sticky hand clasped in my own, her schoolbag slung over my shoulder and her after-school activity list running through my mind, I still don't feel like I'm experienced enough to take part in some of the conversations.

Is it just me who feels this way?

Are the other mums bluffing and doing an excellent job of it or am I just a deadbeat mum who needs to rise to the challenge a little more?

I'm wholly interested in everything my child does and I love being her mother, but I can't say I love being 'one of the mums' - Maybe because I'm not.

Since giving birth to Ella almost eight years ago, I have the feeling of a child who's been let hang around with the cool kids and is afraid to put a foot out of line incase she's found out.

Despite having laughter lines (fine, wrinkles) to the contrary, I still feel like an awkward teenager and struggle to find my place among these perfect mums.

Despite having a mortgage, a migraine and a miniature person relying me on 24/7, I don't yet feel like one of them.

It's like I'm a mum to Ella and that's exactly where it ends. Simply put, I don't know how be the mum I am around these other mums.

Maybe I never will.