When you're not being the mum you want to be
Filed under:
Toddlers
My little boy is now 2 and a half. I have always said that one of the things I have discovered about myself since he was born is that I have far more patience than I ever thought I had (although this new found patience has only ever extended to him, not to anybody else!). My sleep has been close to non-existent since he was born. I have become a ‘stay at home mummy’, which I never thought I would do, and this in itself brings challenges. I have never lost my cool though and I have been really proud of myself for that.
However, over the past few weeks my sons behaviour has become more than a little challenging. He argues with me over EVERYTHING. Anything at all I ask him to do is met with a “No” and I have to admit it’s getting extremely frustrating. I used to be able to talk him round when he said “No”, but not any more, it’s like a constant battle.
Last week at playgroup he had a complete meltdown when I asked him to put his coat on. This resulted in screaming, thrashing, and more than a few funny looks from the other mums. The most important thing it resulted in though was me realising that I have started to become the sort of mum I didn’t want to be.
I was happy being the calm mum, the patient mum, the mum with endless time and tolerance for my sons more difficult behaviour. All of a sudden however, I seem to have become the cross mum, the raising my voice mum, the “I’m going to count to 3 and then you’re going to be in trouble” mum. I don’t know how or when this change took place but I know I don’t like it.
So this led me to thinking about how we can actively change our response behaviours towards our children.
· I know I am tired at the moment, and tiredness makes me irritable, so I have started to be a little kinder to myself by having a nap some days with my son without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else. This both lets me get some extra sleep in, and also we both enjoy the ‘cuddle time’.
· I have been making a huge effort to stop when I feel myself getting annoyed. It’s really difficult to do! But if you stop, take a deep breath and try to think about the situation rationally it can really help. There are better ways to deal with problem situations, but they require a cool head and a calm voice.
· Pick your battles! This is something I have always believed in but now it’s time to take my own advice. Did it really matter that he wouldn’t put his coat on at playgroup last week? No. Was it really worth the upset? No.
· I am also trying not to be in such a rush all the time. I’ve found one of the things that really frustrates me is when I’m trying to get something done or get somewhere for a certain time, and my son is on a major go-slow! But of course he doesn’t understand why he can’t stop to play with the letterbox, or why he can’t initiate a game of chase when I’m trying to get him dressed. He just wonders why having fun makes mummy cross?
· In the heat of the moment, when I feel the frustration bubbling, I look at him and remind myself how much I love him. This precious little boy who I have been lucky enough to be blessed with, who means the world to me. Yes he needs to be taught right from wrong, and yes we cannot go on forever with him arguing with everything I say, but he is only 2, and he’s just trying to assert himself. When I can get past my annoyance, it’s actually fascinating seeing him develop his personality.
However, over the past few weeks my sons behaviour has become more than a little challenging. He argues with me over EVERYTHING. Anything at all I ask him to do is met with a “No” and I have to admit it’s getting extremely frustrating. I used to be able to talk him round when he said “No”, but not any more, it’s like a constant battle.
Last week at playgroup he had a complete meltdown when I asked him to put his coat on. This resulted in screaming, thrashing, and more than a few funny looks from the other mums. The most important thing it resulted in though was me realising that I have started to become the sort of mum I didn’t want to be.
I was happy being the calm mum, the patient mum, the mum with endless time and tolerance for my sons more difficult behaviour. All of a sudden however, I seem to have become the cross mum, the raising my voice mum, the “I’m going to count to 3 and then you’re going to be in trouble” mum. I don’t know how or when this change took place but I know I don’t like it.
So this led me to thinking about how we can actively change our response behaviours towards our children.
· I know I am tired at the moment, and tiredness makes me irritable, so I have started to be a little kinder to myself by having a nap some days with my son without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else. This both lets me get some extra sleep in, and also we both enjoy the ‘cuddle time’.
· I have been making a huge effort to stop when I feel myself getting annoyed. It’s really difficult to do! But if you stop, take a deep breath and try to think about the situation rationally it can really help. There are better ways to deal with problem situations, but they require a cool head and a calm voice.
· Pick your battles! This is something I have always believed in but now it’s time to take my own advice. Did it really matter that he wouldn’t put his coat on at playgroup last week? No. Was it really worth the upset? No.
· I am also trying not to be in such a rush all the time. I’ve found one of the things that really frustrates me is when I’m trying to get something done or get somewhere for a certain time, and my son is on a major go-slow! But of course he doesn’t understand why he can’t stop to play with the letterbox, or why he can’t initiate a game of chase when I’m trying to get him dressed. He just wonders why having fun makes mummy cross?
· In the heat of the moment, when I feel the frustration bubbling, I look at him and remind myself how much I love him. This precious little boy who I have been lucky enough to be blessed with, who means the world to me. Yes he needs to be taught right from wrong, and yes we cannot go on forever with him arguing with everything I say, but he is only 2, and he’s just trying to assert himself. When I can get past my annoyance, it’s actually fascinating seeing him develop his personality.
