While a romantic getaway is a great idea in theory, they don’t always turn out that way.
Some hotels promise to cater to your every amorous whim, with rose petals on the bed and couples’ massages on tap, but you only end up being force-feed every tacky, clichéd versions of romance in the book.
Here are a few of the seemingly ‘best’, but in reality ‘worst’ things about a romantic hotel stay.
1. Chocolate-covered strawberries
Those gigantic strawberries hotels tend to serve are dry and flavourless, and the low-grade chocolate leaves you feeling too sick to indulge in a little romantic time with your partner.
2. Rose petals in the bed or bath
A trail of crimson flowers leading to a bubble bath is a great idea in theory. Except the bath was drawn hours ago, so now you’re shivering in a tub of soggy rose petals. When you finally make it to bed, you're too tired to remove the additional rose petals from your sheets, so all night they cling to your skin and stain the bedding with varying hues of angry red.
3. Couples’ massages
Nobody wants to watch their partner be oiled up and rubbed down by a gorgeous masseuse, while someone resembling a character from the Addams’ Family kneads your aching back like raw dough.
4. Star beds
Turning blue from the cold at 2am or being attacked by a vicious gang of mosquitoes is hardly a winning romantic alternative to a nice warm bed and wide screen TV.
5. The forgotten amenity
Complimentary champagne and mini chocolates are wonderful when they first arrive; unspeakably sad 48 hours later when the ice has melted, the wine label has disintegrated in the water, and the half-nibbled chocolates are now congealed to the plate. On top of this, the housekeeping refuses to take it away, thinking they’re being considerate to your romantic needs.
6. Private dinners on the beach
While this sounds perfectly delightful, most couples will soon discover that their chair will be permanently tilted at 45 degrees in the damp sand, beach fleas will nip at their ankles, it'll be too dark to read the menu, and their waiter is nowhere to be seen, having drawn the short straw to cover your table in the first place.
7. ‘Private’ poolside cabanas
Poolside cabanas are never actually totally private - but that doesn’t stop some very frisky honeymooners behaving as if they are.
8. Serenading musicians
Anything over one minute of awkward serenading feels like hours. Meanwhile, you and your partner politely nod along with frozen smiles, wishing they’d just go away so you could finish your now-lukewarm coffee.
9. Mood music
There’s rarely anything remotely sexy about the low mood music fed into hotel rooms. If elevator music playing on loop doesn’t get you in the mood, this certainly won’t.
10. Couples only retreats
Hotels or retreats designed especially for couples are probably the most off-putting concept ever invented. The idea that every other couple in a five-mile radius have come away to do the same thing you had planned to do, doesn’t exactly make you feel special. In fact, it’s like everybody is competing for the ‘Most Romantic Couple’ award, and that sounds a lot like work.
Image via Pinterest.
