It’s hard to know what to say when your friend has a miscarriage.
That’s why sometimes it’s a better idea to show you care with some nice gestures.
No, they won’t take her pain away, but they will remind her that she has people around her who love and support her. And that’s what she needs more than ever right now.
Here are a few ideas you might consider…
Do the shopping
Simple things like going to the supermarket can be very tough for someone who just wants to slump down in bed and cry. With that in mind, offer to go grocery shopping for her. While you're at it, cook her a nice meal to help her keep her strength up.
Think practical
Does she need appointments cancelled? If she has another child, could you take charge of them once school ends for the day?
Ask ‘how are you doing?’
Instead of trying to guess what you might feel in her shoes, just ask. And don’t worry if you feel you’ve asked her nothing but that since it happened. Her feelings are changing all the time.
Say it with flowers
Flowers are uplifting, making them exactly what your friend needs right now.
Take the lead from her
If her unborn baby had a name and your friend keeps using it, you should use it too. If she's not using it, then don't. Every woman is different so go along with whatever she decides.
Be available
Sometimes you’ll find she won’t want to talk. If that happens, don’t assume she doesn’t want you around. While she'll want her space from time to time, there'll be other times when she'll just appreciate having someone to be with; to sit with.
Give her something nice
If there's ever a time for a pick-me-up, it's now...
Think before you speak
Sometimes, well-meaning friends say things that make things worse. Remarks like 'well, at least you weren't far gone' or 'well, you can always have another' often backfire.
Yes, it's hard to know what to say and not to say, but most comments starting with 'at least' aren't a good idea. They might make her feel like you're diminishing what happened to her. So before you go to say something, stop and think.
Keep trying
After something as devastating as losing a child, many women don’t feel up to talking, even to their closest friends. But don’t let that put you off contacting her. It's nice to feel people are thinking of you, even if you're not up to engaging with them.
Organise a girly night in
Don't do this right away, but after a few weeks when she's feeling a bit more alive, this is a nice way to remind her that she's still herself, and she has still got friends who love her, and that life will go on...and be fun once more. It'll just take a while.
