As parents, our job is to build our children’s self-confidence, providing them with the tools they need to love themselves, to feel worthy and important and to be sure of their place in the world.
And mostly we do this naturally, without thinking, because a caveat of unconditional love is that it’s instinctive.
However, there are certain things we can aim to say help build our children’s self-worth, especially if they’re going through a period of low self-esteem.
And to help them understand how important they are, we need to focus on speaking meaningfully and specifically – kids are extremely perceptive, as we know, and can tell if we are using (albeit well-intended) shallow rhetoric, exaggeration or even throwaway comments.
Try these:
1. You know, there’s only one you in the world. Everything you are and do is unique and special. How cool is that?
2. You are so thoughtful and kind. When I see the way you treat other people it makes me feel so proud.
3. You know, I didn’t look at it that way before. That’s a really interesting perspective.
4. You’re so funny! You always make me laugh.
5. It’s not easy being a kid sometimes is it? I think you’re really brave.
6. I trust your choice.
7. I love how you tried your hardest. You’re so determined.
8. Your personality really lights up the room.
9. When we’re not together I really miss you.
10. What do you think of this? I would really appreciate your opinion.
11. Every day I feel thankful that you were born. You are such a special gift to this family.
12. Okay, let’s try doing this your way.
13. We all need to make mistakes so we can learn. You are never, ever a failure, you are simply a person always learning, just like me.
14. You are such a good listener.
15. Well done for putting all that hard work in. I know it can’t have been easy.
16. I really believe in you.
17. That was a great effort.
18. I understand how you feel.
19. I really care about how you feel, but I need a little help to understand. Can you help me?
20. I know what a great kid you are, so I was surprised to see you had done something like that.
21. I’m so proud to be your mum.
22. I’ll always love you, no matter what!
23. What do YOU want?
24. You’re so creative.
25. I agree with you, that’s a really good point.
Are there any particular things you like to say to your kids to build their self-worth? We would love to hear your approach mums!
