Trying to help a child with anxiety is not easy.
And sadly, sometimes the things we think will help calm their nerves end up making the problem worse.
Here are a few things you might think are helping, but probably aren't...
Caring...too much
You know how it goes. Your child comes home from school with stories of mean girls and insensitive boys, and you feel for her.
So you let it show. What's the problem? Well, kids feed off their folks' emotions. They get more distressed when we're distressed.
Hard as it is, it's a good idea to try and keep your anxiety in check when you're sympathising with theirs.
Standing up for them
If there's a problem at school, it's natural to instinctively want to charge into the teacher and start yelling.
This is not a good idea. Not only does it teach your child that they can't tell you anything in confidence, it might actually make them feel that you don't believe they can fix their own problems.
Lack of self-confidence can be a major contributing factor to anxiety, so try to let go of the reigns a bit and let them fight their own battles.
Compensating for weaknesses
Every good parent wants to try and help their child with things they struggle with.
Children can't always avoid their weak areas, but by focusing on strengths we build self-efficacy and confidence.
Next time you're tempted to spend the weekend researching maths tutors because your child is doing poorly in maths, consider instead spending all weekend doing things he's good at.
Their sense of confidence and competence will return. It may even carry over to their next maths class...
OVERPLAYING to their strengths
While it's good to help them focus on the positives, it's not ideal to overdo it.
If you constantly tell your child that they're on track for a top college, or to get all As in their exams, you'll likely feel like you're building up their confidence.
But the problem with extreme positive affirmation like this is that, sooner or later, it turns into pressure.
Compliment your child when they excel, but don't make their brilliance a rason to expect even more from them. Overly high expectations can create anxiety, when what you want is for them to enjoy doing whatever it is they excel at.
Having good values
You've probably worked hard to encourage good values in your children, but if you're too attached to yours, your child could end up obsessing over them.
There's been more than one tragic case of young people committing suicide over incidents that should never have led to a loss of life.
From posting nude photos to watching pornography, sometimes kids make poor choices, and the thought of family finding out can seem like a fate worse than death.
Let your child know your values, but don't be so dogmatic about it that they fear coming to you when they mess up.
Hiding your problems
It's normal to want to shield your child from your worries.
We assume that our kids are better off not knowing. But they do know. They're super perceptive. They just don't know the whole story.
And when they don't know the whole story, they naturally start filling in the gaps with whatever their imaginations come up with.
Obviously, this can lead them to blow things completely out of proportion, thereby making their anxiety worse.
Of course, there's no need to tell them everything, but the basic details can help to put their minds at rest.
