We’ve contributed quite a bit recently on the ‘dad not babysitter’ topic, completely in agreement with parents who, quite rightly, think the whole thing is ridiculous.
But here’s another distinction exclusive to dads: the ‘playmate’. Yep, if a dad is seen playing with his children he’s often tagged the ‘big kid’, while mum is seen more as the serious parent, the disciplinarian.
One dad who was branded the ‘big kid’ recently when he was goofing around with his two kids in a supermarket, knows this all too well.
Charlie Capen was making his kids laugh when a woman came over to his wife and said conspiratorially, “Did you know you have three kids?”
And while it might seem like an innocent comment, for Charlie it highlighted society’s assumption that the role of fathers is diminished to goofing around while mum does the ‘real’ parenting.
“I stood there completely dumbfounded by the question and didn't even have the courtesy to respond to your patronising words,” Charlie wrote in an open letter on Facebook.
“I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I love my kids but don't consider myself one. I'm sorry you can't tell the difference between having a good time with your kids and being immature. I'm sorry if you think men are irresponsible or babysitters but that's an outdated way of thinking. More than anything, I'm sorry for the men in your life who've convinced you of this idea.
“I've been writing about fatherhood for over five years now.
“I've spoken at the White House about how fathers strip away gender bias and are great partners in fighting systemic sexism.
“But all of this work hasn't made my job as a dad any easier. If anything, it's made it more complex. I'm examining my life, paying attention to doing it right.
“So, I'm sorry if making my kids laugh in a public place warrants a snarky remark, but I need to teach them adults need some levity as the world faces some of its toughest battles ahead. I plan to keep laughing with them for as long as I live.”
We agree wholeheartedly with Charlie. While we’re sure that lady meant no offence, he raises an excellent point. These harmful distinctions so rife in society serve to help no one. All they do is force mums and dads neatly into separate, gender-defined roles – roles that have more to do with outdated gender bias than how we actually parent.
We’re mums, and we love to make our kids laugh. We love have fun with them. But we’re also parents, doing the toughest job in the world.
And so are our children’s fathers.
Where do you stand on this mums? we'd love to hear from you!
