After the death of a loved one, it can be hard to strike the right balance between telling your child the truth and not scaring him. A parent will wish to comfort their child about this upsetting reality.
How children understand death
Young children understand death differently from older children and adults. Up until the age of seven or eight, most children won’t be able to comprehend the idea of forever or never as their lives are too tied up in the present. If they have heard of heaven or hell, they imagine them to be places on earth, rather than in any abstract sense. They will try to understand death in terms of things that they already know and understand, such as ‘going away’ or ‘going to sleep’ However, these ideas can lead to your child misunderstanding the concept of death that can serve to increase your child’s fear and sense of insecurity.
Tips for talking about death
- Don’t dodge the issue:If your child asks you about death, it’s important that you answer them directly, rather than trying to avoid the issue. If you try to put the question off, telling your child ‘We’ll talk about it later’, or ‘When you’re older’, it’s inevitable that your child will still have questions and misconceptions about death. They will believe that death is so scary that their parents are too afraid to talk about it.
- Use the word death:Telling your child that a loved one has ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘gone away’ can be very confusing. By intentionally avoiding the word ‘death’ you make the thing even more frightening than it is.
- Wait for your child to ask: While it’s important to talk to children about the concept of death, you should wait until your child is ready to hear it. Either your child will just tune out or will become confused if they’re not ready.
- Deal with your own emotions first: It’s important that you deal with your own emotions first, young children should not have to be the main emotional supports for their parents.
