Any good mum wants their kids to stay out of trouble do well in school and go on to do amazing things as adults.
And while there’s no recipe for raising successful children, psychology research has singled out a handful of factors that predict success.
Unsurprisingly, much of it comes down to the parents.
Here’s what parents of successful kids have in common:
They make their kids do chores
If you everything for your child, they’ll grow up thinking that their life will just fall into place without any work or effort.
“They’re absolved of not only the work, but of learning that work has to be done and that each one of us must contribute for the betterment of the whole,” said Julie Lythcott-Haims, whose TED talk ‘How to raise an adult’ is based on the Harvard Grant Study.
“By making them do chores, they realise I have to do the work of life in order to be part of life.”
Hint: Don't make them do the same chores all the time. They'll get bored. Mix it up a bit.
They teach their kids social skills
Speaking of socialising, children don’t just learn how to behave. They need to be taught. And we don’t just mean teaching them right from wrong, we also mean teaching them the very basics.
A 20-year study by Pennsylvania State University showed that socially competent kids who could cooperate with their peers without prompting, be helpful to others, understand their feelings and resolve problems on their own, were more likely to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by age 25.
Hint: Encourage your child to talk to visitors when they come over. If you shoo them off into the living room, they won't learn how to interact properly.
They expect a lot
Expecting the unattainable like all As all the time is not a good idea.
But according to a study by the University of California, the expectations parents hold for their kids have a huge effect on attainment.
“Parents who saw college in their child’s future seemed to manage their child toward that goal irrespective of their income and other assets,” said Neal Halfon, lead researcher. “What one person expects of another can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Hint: Let your child know that it's okay to fail, but failing because you didn't try hard enough is not the same thing.
They have good relationships with each other
Children in high-conflict families, whether intact or divorced, tend to fare worse than kids of parents that get along, according to a University of Illinois study review. One particular study found that when a father without custody has frequent contact with his kids and there is minimal conflict, the kids fare better.
Hint: If you have a bone to pick with your other half, don't do so in front of your child.
They develop a relationship with their kids, too
A 2014 study of 243 people born into poverty found that kids who received “sensitive caregiving” in their first three years not only did better in academic tests in childhood, but had healthier relationships and better academic attainment in their 30s.
“This suggests that investment in the early years relationship may result in long-term returns,” said Lee Raby, co-author of the study.
Hint: If you can, spend time with your children one-on-one. That's the best way to get to know your little one, and they'll feel closer to you as a result.
They teach their kids maths early on
A 2007 meta-analysis of 35,000 preschoolers across the US, Canada, and England found that developing math skills early can turn into a huge advantage.
“The paramount importance of early math skills — of beginning school with a knowledge of numbers, number order, and other rudimentary math concepts — is one of the puzzles coming out of the study,” said coauthor and Northwestern University researcher Greg Duncan.
Hint: Tell your child about the fantastic inventions that wouldn't have been possible without maths.
The mums work outside of the home
Research by the Harvard Business School found that daughters of working mums went to school longer, were more likely to have a job in a supervisory role, and earned more money – a sizable 23% more than their peers who were raised by stay-at-home mothers.
Meanwhile, the sons of working mums tended to pitch in more with the housework! “Role-modeling is a way of signalling what’s appropriate,” explained the study’s lead author, Kathleen L McGinn.
They’re less stressed
According to recent research cited by The Washington Post, the number of hours that mums spend with kids between ages 3 and 11 does little to predict the child’s behaviour, wellbeing or achievement. In fact, “helicopter parenting” can backfire.
“Mothers’ stress may actually be affecting their kids poorly,” said the study’s co-author, Kei Nomaguchi. She said that this is because people, especially kids, can catch others’ feelings – not good when the feeling is negative.
Hint: Don't pounce every time your child looks like they might get hurt. Save your energy for when they really need your input.
They value effort, not just results
According to Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, people either have a ‘fixed mindset’ where they believe that their intelligence, character and creative ability can’t change, or they have a ‘growth mindset’ where they see failures as a springboard for growth and learning.
Clearly, it’s better to have a growth mindset, so it’s a good idea to try and instil this in your children. Praise them for the effort they put in, whether it’s at school or at home or with their friends – don’t just praise the results.
Hint: If they do badly in a school test, go over the reasons. Was there one thing they really didn't understand?
They’ve attained higher educational levels
A 2014 study lead by University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang found that mothers who finished high school or college were more likely to raise kids that did the same.
Never went to college? Well, it will still help if you let your child know the benefits of going to college, and if you talk about third level as something to aspire to.
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