A miscarriage is a truly heartbreaking time and while you, as the mum, are going to be going through a very difficult time, it is important you look out for your other children.
While smaller ones may not have noticed that you were expecting or you may not have yet told them, older children are more aware of their surrounding environment.
Why you need to tell them
It is extremely difficult to hide everything from your child and they may notice that something is amiss. They may have seen you crying or are wondering why their routine has changed slightly. If they were aware that you were pregnant they will need to be told, and often even if you hadn’t told them you were expecting you may need to say something because kids who notice changes become frightened because they fear the worst.
Reassure them it’s no one’s fault
It is important you reassure your child that it is no one’s fault what happened. This is important because they might think they are to blame, particularly if they weren’t too keen on getting a new sibling in the first place.
Expect a different reaction
While you are understandably very upset, it is important you understand that your child might not react exactly how you would expect them to. Some kids might become visibly upset, others can become quiet and there are those who take it on the chin and it doesn’t seem to affect them. One minute they might be crying and they next they could be looking for food or playing.
What to say
Talking about a miscarriage means talking about death and depending on the child’s age you can be as open and honest as you like. Kids under the age of five may have some grasp of the concept while others can fully understand what it means. Remember to use clear, straightforward explanations dependent on your child’s age.
Others ways of helping them
Books, poems or drawings might be great ways to open up a conversation on miscarriage or to help explain it further to your child if you are struggling to find the words. Marking the loss can also be beneficial to kids to help them have a better grasp of what is going on; planting a tree, having a ceremony or giving your baby a name can help kids cope a little better.
