We all want to raise children who are confident in themselves. And for the most part, mums instinctively know how to help their little one’s self-esteem along…praise their efforts, tell them ‘good job’ etc.
But you could be eroding your child’s confidence in other ways, without even knowing it.
Here are a few things that could damage their self-esteem:
Saying ‘it’s easy’
When your child is scared of trying something new, it’s tempting to encourage them with these words, but don’t. Contrary to what you might think, this could make them feel like they’re useless/ stupid/ cowardly because they can’t do whatever ‘it’ is.
Instead, acknowledge that ‘it’ is scary/ hard, remind them that it’s okay to do it wrong the first time, and stress that things get easier with practice.
Doing too much for them
We know, sometimes children are more of a help than a hindrance. That’s not a reason to do everything for them, however. If you do, they’ll grow up not having the foggiest idea how to do anything, and they’ll grow to feel powerless.
Research shows that a feeling of powerlessness is closely linked to low self-esteem.
Freaking out when they make mistakes
Mistakes are part of life – we all make them. But instead of freaking out when they do something wrong, teach them to make amends and be accountable for their actions.
This promotes a healthy view of mistakes and lets them feel good about who they are – even when they do something they regret.
Fighting their battles for them
Have you ever overheard your little one being mistreated by their friend, jumped into ‘mama bear’ mode and rushed to their rescue? No? Good. Because it’s important to let kids fight their own battles.
If you do the fighting for them, they’ll never learn how to stand up for themselves, and may even suspect that you don’t think they can. What a self-esteem crusher!
Comparing them to their siblings, indirectly
Comparing your child unfavourably to their brother or sister is obviously not good.
But you could be comparing them without knowing it. Imagine your son is excelling at violin, while your daughter is just average. If you lavish praise on him in front of her, it goes without saying that she’ll be discouraged.
