This is such an important topic, and we applaud this mum for speaking out and sharing her experiences.
We often hear that pregnancy is supposed to be the happiest time of our life, and it many cases it is, but what happens then when it just… isn’t.
Post-natal depression is being spoken about much more these days, but the conversation on anxiety and expression during pregnancy is much quieter.
This is why one mum has bravely written about her antenatal depression experience on her blog, in the hope other mums going through the same thing won’t feel ashamed or guilty – and will be unafraid to seek professional help.
“My sickness started from before I even knew I was pregnant at only three weeks from then on it got worse and worse with many, many trips to the hospital, weeks and months on end in bed and days where I was so deliriously sick that I couldn't walk and would sleep on the toilet floor for hours until my partner would come home from work and carry me back to bed,” wrote Brittany Scale, blogger at The Fashionable Fit Mum.
“I think this is where the depression started as I never really got to experience the ‘joy’ of finding out I was pregnant and getting excited about the future.”
Throughout her pregnancy, Brittany became progressively worse, even to the point of not wanting to connect with her baby.
“In my first trimester I actually found it hard to want to connect with my baby partly because I wasn't sure if my body could or would cope with what it was going through so I was worried that I could lose the baby so I didn't want to get attached and also because part of me was angry that I felt this sick and ruined,” she says.
And as well as this, Brittany suffered from body image issues in the past, which reared their ugly heads again when her body started to change – and people’s insensitive comments didn’t help.
“When I was pregnant these issues were brought to the surface with the thought of my stomach getting larger, my body changing and stretching, not being able to stay my usual fit strong self and people focusing so much on my belly and appearance,” she wrote.
“I would do everything I could to hide my growing belly so no one would comment but it didn't stop them. Every second person would tell me I was my belly was ‘too small’, I was ‘too thin’ or ask me if I was eating. I constantly felt I was having to explain myself to people - even though it was about being too small rather than my old fears of being too large it was still so much attention on my appearance and it would cause me so much anxiety.”
And sadly, Brittany felt such fear and anxiety throughout her pregnancy that instead of enjoying it, she just wanted it to be over.
“The pregnancy felt never ending because every day I would wake up hoping to feel better and every day was a disappointment,” she wrote. “So instead of relaxing and enjoying the pregnancy journey all I did was wish it away. I never truly felt like I had connected with the baby in my belly and would often get anxiety over whether I would be able to connect and love her once she was born.”
But Brittany needn’t have worried: when she gave birth to Millie, she felt a “love like no other”. Now she wants other mums going through why she experienced to realise they’re not alone.
“For any mother out there suffering from depression or anxiety during their pregnancy I just want you to know that you are not alone,” she wrote. “You have that beautiful baby in your belly – you are everything to him/her. I don't know how bad your situation is but I can tell you that I had many doubts over the type of mother I could be, I doubted if I could love, care or nurture my child enough but as soon as I held her in my hands for the first time the love I felt was like no other – I finally knew who I was and what I wanted.
“Even now sitting here writing this I can tell you that I don't think I will ever forget the way I felt during my pregnancy – I was confused, disconnected, tired and sick – really sick but I can also tell you that I would do it all again for my daughter, she has changed my life, my partner's life and made me a much better person. Although I was depressed during my pregnancy Millie has helped me over come so many more demons in my life.”
You can read Brittany's powerful piece in full here.
