We’ve all been there – our little angel saying, “Mum, why is that woman so fat?” with one finger pointing curiously at a larger lady; or worse, innocently blurting out, “Nanny, mum said your Sunday roasts make her want to throw up!” to our mother-in-law. EEK!

 

So because we’ve been there, and want to help you in case you find yourself in a similar situation, we’ve compiled the ultimate guide to survive the horror.

 

Here goes:

 

1. Run

 

Yep, if it’s a stranger and you’re guaranteed never to see them again, shout out, “I’m so sorry!” and leg it. Why do you think mums always wear flats?

 

2. Pretend you don’t speak English

 

Innocently say, “Comment allez vous? Voulez vous coucher avec moi. Eh… hamburguesa, patatas fritas. Ah… au revoir.” Then follow step one and do a RUNNER.

 

 

3. Laugh hysterically

 

Remain unruffled, look at your child with mirth and say “Hahahahaha, oh you!” The turn to the person your little one has offended and say, “Oh don’t listen to a word she says, she has a very wacky sense of humour!” Then back away slowly and when it’s safe – yes you guessed it – break into a run.

 

4. Flatly deny it

 

“He said what? Right now? I didn’t hear it at all. Hmm, strange.”

 

5. Distract

 

Sometimes distraction is the only option. We suggest shouting loudly, “Oh my GOD is that Bruce Willis?” and pretending to run after ‘Bruce’. By the time you come back with the news it was a false alarm they’ll have forgotten all about it.

 

 

6. Confuse them

 

If your child says her hair looks like noodles, say he said he’d love a poodle. If he tells your mother-in-law her house smells like socks, say he said he once had chicken pox. You get the idea – just think fast and you’re sorted!

 

7. Shift the blame

 

“Oh I really don’t know where she heard that! It must have been her father / brother / sister / aunt / lollipop lady / anyone but me.”

 

Have you ever been caught in the dreaded moment? How did you handle it? Probably a lot more maturely than the steps in our list we’ll bet!

 

SHARE if you got a good giggle from our guide!

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