Playing Mommy
Filed under:
Motivation & Inspiration
I woke up this morning feeling slightly dejected.
It has been almost 10 years since we have been married and it is a very happy relationship for the most part. We have two beautiful kids, a cosy home and a degree of financail stability yet I feel dissatisfied.
3 years ago I quit a well paid, challenging and motivating job to be a stay at home mum. For me the decision was simple. I wanted to be there for the small things my kids got up to and not just the PTMs, football matches and school concerts. I didn't want to be a full-time mom on weekends only. I wanted to be the primary support system for my children and the one shaping their personalities.
That is how I felt then and that is how I feel today. Yet now increasingly I feel that I am losing myself bit by bit. I love being a mom but I also loved being Reema - an individual with an identity and aspirations.
As many on this forum may be able to relate, when you have a one year old and a 3 year old and both very active boys, you are busy feeding, cleaning, wiping bottoms and soothing tantrums from 7 am to 7 pm. Throw in the cooking, dishes and laundry and you have no time to dream and no energy to achieve.
Before I know it, they will be in university and then I will look back at the last 20 odd years with hopefully a lot of pride and perhaps a little remorse? I wonder! Would I regret my choices or would I believe in them a thousand times over.
I hope it would be the latter because I swapped a promising career and financial independence for a life of teaching my 3 year old how to use the toilet without peeing over the seat and my one year old how to eat without spitting out half of it. Not that these don't provide sufficient challenge but they certainly lack mental stimulation.
So every day while I go about my mundane routine, I brainstorm about what I can do around kids that will give me some satisfaction beyond my current role. I have considered and discarded the idea of going back to my old job or something similar because I may or may not self-reproach over leaving a hard-earned career but I definitely don't want to get to the end and realise that I could have given more of myself to my babies. This one thought has kept me sane and helped me through all those days and nights of second guessing my choices.
I have not given in yet. Far from throwing in the towel. No desire to be a woman of leisure once the kids are in school. But my priorities are clear in my head. They may not be perfect. It is by no means a magic formula for mommy bliss. But it is a choice that works for me. I could not handle the inherent conflict between being a corporate high flyer and a mommy who wanted to be the first point of call for her kids.
My journey is ongoing. I am still discovering my path. My destination is more than a little hazy. But I am trying to find my way with the passion of someone who knows that looking back is not an option. So as today ends and I lie in bed with my babies on either side, secretly praying that they don't wake up from my typing, I silently wish myself Godspeed!
It has been almost 10 years since we have been married and it is a very happy relationship for the most part. We have two beautiful kids, a cosy home and a degree of financail stability yet I feel dissatisfied.
3 years ago I quit a well paid, challenging and motivating job to be a stay at home mum. For me the decision was simple. I wanted to be there for the small things my kids got up to and not just the PTMs, football matches and school concerts. I didn't want to be a full-time mom on weekends only. I wanted to be the primary support system for my children and the one shaping their personalities.
That is how I felt then and that is how I feel today. Yet now increasingly I feel that I am losing myself bit by bit. I love being a mom but I also loved being Reema - an individual with an identity and aspirations.
As many on this forum may be able to relate, when you have a one year old and a 3 year old and both very active boys, you are busy feeding, cleaning, wiping bottoms and soothing tantrums from 7 am to 7 pm. Throw in the cooking, dishes and laundry and you have no time to dream and no energy to achieve.
Before I know it, they will be in university and then I will look back at the last 20 odd years with hopefully a lot of pride and perhaps a little remorse? I wonder! Would I regret my choices or would I believe in them a thousand times over.
I hope it would be the latter because I swapped a promising career and financial independence for a life of teaching my 3 year old how to use the toilet without peeing over the seat and my one year old how to eat without spitting out half of it. Not that these don't provide sufficient challenge but they certainly lack mental stimulation.
So every day while I go about my mundane routine, I brainstorm about what I can do around kids that will give me some satisfaction beyond my current role. I have considered and discarded the idea of going back to my old job or something similar because I may or may not self-reproach over leaving a hard-earned career but I definitely don't want to get to the end and realise that I could have given more of myself to my babies. This one thought has kept me sane and helped me through all those days and nights of second guessing my choices.
I have not given in yet. Far from throwing in the towel. No desire to be a woman of leisure once the kids are in school. But my priorities are clear in my head. They may not be perfect. It is by no means a magic formula for mommy bliss. But it is a choice that works for me. I could not handle the inherent conflict between being a corporate high flyer and a mommy who wanted to be the first point of call for her kids.
My journey is ongoing. I am still discovering my path. My destination is more than a little hazy. But I am trying to find my way with the passion of someone who knows that looking back is not an option. So as today ends and I lie in bed with my babies on either side, secretly praying that they don't wake up from my typing, I silently wish myself Godspeed!
