10 reasons I'd sometimes rather live alone forever

OK, so maybe the title is a little OTT, but while in the grips of PMS, I'd be lying if I said the thought hasn't flash through my head more than once in the course of married life.

While undeniably thoughtful and considerate, the man I married is also incredibly slap-dash when it comes to a number of things in the life we share with our four children.

And while I try to keep my patience and be thankful for all he DOES do, his sloppy approach to DIY, bizarre domestic habits and inability to see the importance of the latest neighbourhood scanadal tend to set my teeth on edge like nothing else.

Here are just ten examples why I sometimes find myself harking back to my life as a single woman.


1. His approach to pots

In order to clean pots after a Sunday dinner, he will fill them with water, place them on the hobs and scorch them until the house is filled with the undeniable smell of his endeavours.

The theme tune of The Antiques Road Show is generally acconpanied by the sound of our fire alarm.



2. His approach to laundry

My husband refuses to let me wash his work-out clothes as it apparently 'messes up his routine” so I am forced to endure the stench of his sweaty T-shirts and damp shorts in our bedroom until the time comes for his “weekend work-out wash”.

I wish he was as protective over his pants which he has no problem discarding at will.



3. His interest in bulk-buying

My husband can't just pick up a pint of milk on the way home; instead he'll stop by the local cash and carry and stock up on industrial sized containers of milk in an effort to save money and 'time'.

They go sour, we row and then he does it again.



4. His attitude to bodily functions

As long as the sound can't be attributed to him, my husband will break wind with wild abandon until our front room resembles a gas chamber on a Saturday afternoon.

The term “silent but deadly' was coined with him in mind.




5. His selective hearing

He won't hear the phone or the doorbell, but he'll hear me planning a weekend away with the girls from three rooms away.

Convenient.



6. His approach to DIY

My husbannd's toolbox isn't filled with hammers, spanners or wrenches, but instead chock-full of masking tape, superglue and old rope – all of which he has used to repair furniture around our home.

Seriously.



7. His suspicion of text messages

Unless I ring and speak to him personally, I fear he may not be able to honour the plans and suggestions I send in a detailed text message.

“How do I know it's really you?”



8. His attitude to raffle ticker sellers

The day my husband realises his chances of winning the weekly community raffle is few and far between will be a wonderful day.

Who wants a “state-of-the-art barbecue” gathering dust under the stairs anyway?



9. His disinterest in neighbourhood gossip

I could be brimming over with excitement about the latest scandal and he reins me in by telling me to mind my own business and keep my nose to myself.

Right of course, but no less diappointing.



10. His inability to see the wonder of candles and cushions

To me, our bed is a haven; to him, it's an obsticle course.

We have an argument EVERY SINGLE NIGHT but he will never realise the wonder of my girlie ways.