As a busy mum, I have yawning nailed - no thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow

Remember the last time you had a child on your hip or a surly teen to contend with and you just couldn’t fight the yawn building inside you?

Remember how you opened your mouth, vaguely resembled a growling hippopotamus and released a noise not dissimilar to an animal’s mating call, such was the extent of your exhaustion?

Yeah, me too.

And remember the way you then considered the action, realised you had performed it incorrectly and just begged for a do-over?

Yeah, me neither.

Well, if celebrity mum-of-two, Gwyneth Paltrow,  is to be believed, not only should we have called for a do-over, performed the action with more accuracy and really ‘ridden that yawn’, we should have also given the impression we were about to ‘perform a whispery breath’ at the beginning like, let’s face it, a total creep.

Well, shame on us.

Yet, another fail for women everywhere!

I mean, honestly can’t we all at least get it together enough to ‘optimise our yawns ‘when the opportunity presents?

In fairness to the Ironman star, she didn’t specifically target women when doling out this precious nugget of information, but considering the website’s general content, it’s fair to suggest the star aims her ideas and advice at the fairer sex.

But at what point in your busy, overly-articulated life have you ever stopped to consider whether you were failing to perform the action properly and just wished for some much-needed advice?

When did you lower a child into a cot or lean over your teen’s homework and consider how to perfect the sign which shows you’re sleep-deprived, badly in need of a good snooze and dying to crawl into bed?

Not once, I know.

Until Gwyneth Paltrow can actually provide what she purports to offer and gives women real advice which will actually nurture their sense of self-worth and nourish them both intellectually and emotionally, I think I’m happy to stay off the Goop subscriber’s list.

Although if I need any practice mastering that yawn of mine, I know which website I’ll be trawling through.